For those of you waiting with bated breath, don’t worry: the podcast is coming! I just have to get through finals first. Both my co-host and I are eager to debate all the issues of the day (well, she’s eager to debate; I’m eager to win), but — unrepentant, mixed-priority liberal though she may be — we also both have a lot of studying to do right now. You’d think I’d be able to coast on my looks and connections, but for some reason, that just hasn’t happened this semester — so I’m hitting the books for a bit, and then it’ll be back here for your edutainment!
Big Changes!
After chatting with some friends, and some great input from J., I’ve decided to mix things up a little bit here at the Relevant Elephant. (See? Just because I’m conservative, that doesn’t mean I’m afraid of change!) We’ll be moving to a podcast form next week — they’ll still be available here on the site, and also on other services like iTunes. So even MORE people can hear all the great things I have to say!! And we’ll have some special (or not-so-special) guests on, to debate and discuss the issues of the day. I’m excited, and I hope you are too!
Sorry Folks!
I know I’ve been bad about posting in a timely fashion. I don’t want to make myself into a victim here, because that’s what liberals and minorities do, but I will say this: maintaining a blog is HARD! It’s like having your very own Internet-baby, which needs constant feeding and attention, and you can’t even farm it out to an Ethiopian nanny for sub-minimum-wage under-the-table payments. (The Ethiopians, it turns out, are sooooo much more trustworthy than the Guatamalens, and willing to work for even less — you can practically pay them in individual grains of rice and they’re still grateful!) Any random liberal stumbling across this might wonder why I just don’t abort the thing, but, well, I’m not a godless heathen, so I’m just going to have to stick it out.
But, just like Bristol Palin, I do want to use my experience as a lesson for others. Just because you know that your opinions are amazing and there are legions of people out there waiting to hear what you have to say, that doesn’t mean you should just rush into blogging. It’ll stress you out and wreak havoc on your daily routines just like pregnancy (although, thank God, it hasn’t made me fat.) And once your blog is out there, you can’t just turn away. It’s a big commitment, so be careful!
Back From Spring Break!
So, for those of you who couldn’t do the math, the reason for my absence last week was that I was on spring break. And of course I wasn’t going to bring my laptop to the beaches in St. Croix! J. and I, and a few of our other friends, had a fabulous time. Given the current state of the US economy, conspicuous consumption has gone out of fashion here — if you’re rich, you have to pretend to just be wealthy, and if you’re wealthy, it’s like you have to pretend to be upper-middle-class! What is UP with that? Upper-middle-class is just so… aspirational. It just reeks of trying to hard!
In St. Croix, however, there was none of that. The cabana boys did their jobs, the shopping was great, and there was no judgment. It was the perfect escape! And, I mean, we weren’t out there with, like, the people on cruise ships (god, talk about “upper-middle-class”); we had our own private beach, our own cabana boys, etc. One of them tried to talk to us about Obama, but J. shut him down pretty quickly. I think he got fired for it, anyway, which is so deserved; if you can’t vote in American elections than your opinion doesn’t even matter! Which is why J. and I decided not to go to Cannes, where we had originally booked a villa — the French were bound to have opinions about EVERYTHING!
But the people in St. Croix, except for that one guy, totally knew their place. In fact, they seemed to respect all the money we spent, because they knew it was what was footing their paychecks — which is what more of these American workers, who go on about “benefits” and “respect” and “unions,” need to realize!
My point is, why should the rich be ashamed of being rich?? We are the engines of the economy, after all! Without us to spend money, everything would just collapse. Exactly like it’s doing right now, now that “upper middle class” is the chic new thing.
A Word About The AIG Bonuses
So, there’s been all this outrage lately about the bonuses that AIG is paying some of its people. Which I do not understand. Do liberals not understand how economics WORKS?! A company makes money, and it pays its people whatever it wants. Whether it makes that money doing good business, or getting it from the government because apparently socialism is cool now, is completely irrelevant!
I mean, seriously, just because the feds gave AIG a few bucks, now they get to tell them how to run things? If Obama is so good at running multinational insurance companies, why did he decide to be president instead of doing that? God, I wish he’d done that instead. Instead we’re just getting more and more Communist by the day. Soon enough we’ll all have to ride bicycles and shop at thrift stores, and it will be okay for white people to have dreadlocks. This whole thing stinks — like patchouli and BS, or, as I like to call it, “eau de liberal.”
When Will Meghan McCain Shut Up?
So, the big news this week in the Republican blogosphere has been the recent kerfuffle between Meghan McCain and Laura Ingraham. Which makes perfect sense, because young McCain was originally criticizing Ann Coulter. Which is just not done. Ann Coulter is an American treasure. She gets demonized enough by all those hacks on the left — how can somebody who calls herself a Republican be against her?? To be against Ann Coulter is to be against America! And that is a FACT, because Ann Coulter herself said so.
Also, Meghan McCain, why are you writing for blogs like “The Daily Beast,” anyway? It’s all just liberal garbage! Seems to me that John McCain’s daughter was lured by the limelight, but really, the liberals are trying to use a “moderate” Republican figure (or, as they’re better known, a RINO — “moderate” is really just a euphemism for “abandoning core conservative principles”!) to make the REAL conservative heroes of this country look bad.
Fortunately, though, Ann Coulter hasn’t taken the bait — because she knows better — and Ingraham has slammed Meghan hard enough that we shouldn’t hear too much from her again. I for one know that if I was in Meghan McCain’s position, I’d go on her mother’s diet program, fast. But then again, I’d also never trash Ann Coulter.
Good Riddance, Mr. Madoff!
You know what the problem is with this country? All these victimizing liberals who don’t understand what personal responsibility is. Now, I know everybody hates Bernie Madoff, and he is clearly a criminal — but at least he owned up to it! When do you think Obama and his acolytes will own up to destroying the American economy and constitution?? Probably never, because everybody on the left is still too busy pointing fingers backwards to Bush.
Well, guess what, liberals? Bush is gone, and your man is running things now — and it’s been more than fifty days, and nothing has gotten better! In fact, things have gotten worse! I mean, come on — fifty days is like one-quarter of the time it takes for a pregnancy to run its course (unless you’re some godless baby-killing leftie, of course!). And that should be MORE than enough time to fix a series of deep and systemic problems in the world’s third-most populous country, right?? God, how many MORE breaks can we give this guy?? The fact that his approval ratings aren’t in the toilet by now just goes to show that affirmative action is still very much alive and well in America — and, as ever, hard-working, successful whites end up screwed.
So, while I still say good riddance to Bernie Madoff… I can’t wait until the day I can say the same thing to this administration. Of course, that’s assuming there’s still an America LEFT in 2012 for the Republicans to take back!
Oink Oink Oink
God, are Democrats pigs or what?
I truly cannot believe that spending bill that Obama signed today. Pure pork! Nine thousand earmarks! I think that might go past “pork” and straight into “lard.” It’s more bloated and disgusting than… I don’t even know. Than Rosie O’Donnell! And just as gay socialist, too.
Seriously, I do not even understand HOW some of this pork is supposed to be spent, given that most of it goes straight to ANIMALS. Why on earth are we giving millions of dollars to honeybees?! Last I heard, there were hardly any left — not nearly enough to be worth two million dollars, at least! How is it supposed to stimulate the economy?! Are these insects supposed to suddenly start shopping at the Gap or something? I’m not saying they wouldn’t fit right in with that clientele, just that it’s not very likely.
They call it pork for a reason: because it’s unhealthy and fattening for the country. Does Nancy Pelosi have any idea how many calories are in a side of bacon?? Of course not, because she’s a feminist who believes women should be fat and ugly. But just because this country needs to go on a fiscal diet does NOT mean we need to start churning out Atkins-style budgets — everybody knows that you gain all that weight right back!!
Stem Cells & Obama’s Sci-Fi Future
I don’t watch or read science fiction, because that’s for people who don’t shower, but I know enough about what it is to know that, with this new position from Obama about stem cell research, we’re all going to be living in “The Matrix” soon. What is with these liberals and their fixation on having designer babies??? Oh, wait, I know: it’s because liberals are so ugly they can’t stand the idea of even their own children looking like them!
See, I for one don’t need any stem cells to have a designer baby — my own genes will take care of that well enough on their own, thank you very much! Actually, I’m pretty sure that my offspring will be way better-looking than anything some lame scientist in a lab coat could ever dream up. He’d probably turn my kid into some weird anime character or something. Does Obama really want to turn the world into some freakish Pokemon game or something?! God, it’s like liberals don’t even know what ‘consequences’ are!
A Role Model For Kids Everywhere
So J. told me all about CPAC, but there were a few events he didn’t attend — among others, the “grassroots” panel. (Grass is for Mexicans to tend to and liberals to smoke, so, I don’t really blame him for thinking it would be useless.) But that’s why he missed seeing Jonathan Krohn speak, and why I didn’t find out about him right away. Having now seen the video, though, I’d like to take a moment and commend this kid and his parents — he is great! Seriously, I hope one day my son will be such a committed and passionate conservative. (Although, less Jewish-looking. Not that that should be an issue with J. and I, but, still worth mentioning.) Good for his parents for realizing his potential and home-schooling him — if this young man were too long in the public schools he’d probably either have gone crazy or turned into some hippie freak by now. All in all, well-done, Krohn family! And I can’t wait to see what kind of political future this kid has!
